


Handfasting

by Thursday_Next



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Comment Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-23
Updated: 2011-09-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thursday_Next/pseuds/Thursday_Next
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course, he'd always known they could never marry. It hadn't seemed to matter at first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Handfasting

**Author's Note:**

> Comment fic written for the 'Let's Get Gay Married' comment fest on livejournal.

Of course, he'd always known they could never marry. It hadn't seemed to matter at first. They'd started fooling around, a few experimental kisses leading on to some drunken fumbling and then further, exploring the limits and possibilities of each other's bodies. It was easy, comfortable, the energetic sex punctuated by their normal banter. Merlin even made fun of Arthur's future marriage to some as yet faceless noblewoman, _I pity your future wife if your bedroom manners don't improve, sire_ , as Arthur kicked him on the shin, waking him from his post-coital slumber, ordering him to fetch wine from the kitchens.

Time, and a few more near-death experiences for both of them changed things, gradually. Each time a bandit's arrow grazed too close or a beast's poisonous bite took too long to recover from they found themselves kissing a little deeper, clinging a little closer afterwards. Uther began mentioning the daughters of neighbouring kings or favoured nobles with increasing regularity, sometimes even inviting them to dine at Camelot, and Merlin soon found that the familiar jokes stuck in his throat.

He'd always known before, that when Arthur flirted with noblewomen he didn't really mean it. Usually, after retiring for the night after a feast they would joke about the ladies in attendance, _Did you see her eyebrows? Your heirs would all be hairy like their mother,_ Arthur would snort, _I'd rather marry Morgana,_ and the prospective bride's name would be forgotten by the time they crossed the floor to the bed. But when Arthur praised the latest princess for her sensible conversation, _and she's fond of hunting, too_ , Merlin could do nothing but stare, hurt and horrified, before turning on his heel and leaving Arthur alone in his chambers. 

He spent the night, sleepless and sick to his stomach, curled up into a ball on his narrow bed. He'd known it would happen eventually, of course, but 'eventually' had always seemed to be a long way off into the future. He realised that he'd been prepared for the fact of Arthur's marriage, but not for the possibility that he might actually fall in love with his bride. They'd been so careless, getting into this. He'd listened to the dragon bandying about words like 'destiny' and 'eternity' without really understanding what those words meant for them until it was too late.

Arthur sent for him early the next morning, telling him tersely they were going on a hunting trip and to pack for several days' ride. They didn't mention the night before and didn't meet each other's eyes. It was hours later, as they neared the border of the kingdom that Arthur turned to him impatiently.

"Hurry _up_ , Merlin."

"Sorry sire," Merlin spat back, "Perhaps you should have invited Lady Esta instead, since she's so 'fond of hunting'." Arthur stopped abruptly and turned his horse to stare at Merlin, incredulous.

"Merlin."

"What?" He knew he sounded surly but couldn't bring himself to care.

"Are you _jealous_?" There was a twitch at the corner of his mouth which betrayed a glimmer of amusement. Merlin didn't answer, looking down at the reins in his hand as if they had suddenly become fascinating. He was taken by surprise therefore, when Arthur pulled him roughly off his horse. "Merlin you _idiot_ ," Arthur said, with fire in his eyes as he dragged him down and kissed him soundly. It was the closest he ever got to saying 'I love you'. Which was fine by Merlin, he never said it either, it would be too much to name these feelings and then have them thwarted. He expressed it instead in looks and gestures, in the eager return of Arthur's kiss, in the way he arched up to meet him as they fell together onto the wet grass.

Afterwards they didn't speak, still, but Arthur held him close and stroked his hair and Merlin could almost believe it was all going to be ok.

 

*

They crept softly up the hill, leading the horses. Merlin reached out and grabbed Arthur's arm. He stilled.

"There's a druid encampment just over these hills," he hissed quietly. Arthur gave him a look.

"Merlin, you have a very poor opinion of my skills in hunting and tracking not to mention my general sense of direction if you honestly think I didn't already know that." 

Merlin let go of his arm, feeling sheepish.

"You knew? Then why..."

"Because that's where we're going." Arthur looked suddenly shifty. "I may have lied about the hunting."

"But... druids..."

"Not all magic is evil," Arthur said, patiently, "You know that and I know it too." They exchanged a loaded glance. They never spoke about Merlin's magic but he knew that Arthur knew about it. They'd had a cryptic conversation once, after one too many conveniently falling branches saving Arthur's life, in which Arthur had told him that what they didn't acknowledge couldn't possibly be treason. Merlin wondered whether Arthur applied the same thinking to whatever this thing was between the two of them. "The druids have certain... rites. Which can't be acknowledged under my father's rule, but..." He looked almost embarrassed. Merlin blinked at him, not understanding, but followed Arthur into the druid encampment all the same.

They'd not encountered this particular tribe of druids before, which might have been why Arthur had chosen to ride such a long way to seek them out when there were druids known to be living closer to Camelot. They didn't seem hostile, despite Arthur's track record of relations with the druids being decidedly mixed. Merlin began to wonder whether they even knew who Arthur was, until they were taken to the druid elders who had, it transpired, been expecting them. They addressed Merlin as 'Emrys' and treated him and the prince as equals, which didn't seem to annoy Arthur as much as Merlin would have expected. Merlin still didn't understand. They were here without the king's permission or knowledge - was Arthur trying to build an alliance with the druids on his own terms? It didn't make much sense, he knew only a little of druid rites, but couldn't think of any that Arthur would need to partake in to cement an alliance. 

Then he heard one word that made it all clear: handfasting. 

Arthur gave him a nervous look and Merlin felt sure the blood had frozen in his veins. And then he ran from the tent, out of the encampment, ignoring the eyes on him, until he paused on the crest of a hill away from the bustle of the small settlement.

"Merlin. _Merlin!_ " Arthur had followed him. Merlin whirled round. "I'm sorry, I was going to ask you properly, but I didn't even know if..." He trailed off.

"You thought I'd just go along with this? That I'd just be your obedient servant? I suppose your wife will even want my horse on the way back to Camelot."

"Wife? What wife? What are you _talking_ about, Merlin?"

"I heard you, and them, in there. Talking about your handfasting. You're going to marry some druid girl, and..."

"That's not... that's not it, Merlin." Arthur sounded as though he was trying very hard to rein in his impatience and keep his voice even. "It was supposed to be for us. The handfasting. You and me. I wanted to show you that nobody can ever come between us. That I'm bound to you. That you're the only one I could ever feel... You know. You do know, don't you?"

"I wasn't sure," Merlin admitted, "It thought maybe..."

"You don't trust me. That much is obvious." Arthur sighed as he sat down beside Merlin on the hill.

"I do trust you. I trust you to put the needs of your kingdom above the needs of your own heart. You'll be a good king, the best. And I won't ruin that by binding you to something you'll regret later." Arthur put one hand to Merlin's face and tilted his chin up to look into his eyes.

"I would never regret anything with you. My only regret would be if you didn't understand just how important you are to me."

"I know. I know, I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

A soft breeze bent the grass as silence descended between them. Sounds from the encampment below drifted up, voices, laughter, the sound of cooking pots banging together, children shrieking, dogs barking.

"We'll never have any of that," Merlin said. "We can't just tell destiny to sod off and go live with the druids."

"We could." Arthur leaned his chin on Merlin's shoulder.

"You wouldn't be happy. Not really."

"No I suppose not. It'd be too easy." Arthur admitted. Merlin half smiled, leaning so his lips brushed the side of Arthur's head. "I want this, though. You. The handfasting. I need it to be real, so we never forget..."

"Arthur, I'd never _forget_."

"I know. But still. Wouldn't you like..."

"Yes," Merlin breathed. "Yes."

They descended the hill hand in hand. According to the druid custom, no dowries were requested of families, no rings were exchanged, but each of them had to give or promise something to the other. Merlin knelt and promised to lay his magic at Arthur's service. His hands shook, just a little. He knew that Arthur knew, of course, but they never spoke of it, and if he were to be rejected now, he wasn't sure it was something he could recover from. But Arthur's eyes were sincere as he whispered a heartfelt,

"Thank you."

Arthur tried to promise Merlin his kingdom but Merlin shook his head, and the druids muttered in disapproval.

"Not that. That's not for me."

"Ok, then, I promise... I will always be true, to us. I will always listen to you, and when I am king I will restore magic to its rightful place in the kingdom, by my side, always." That was acceptable to the druids, it seemed, and Merlin's eyes shone with happiness. Their hands were bound with simple hemp rope and it seemed that the ceremony had all the more meaning for its simplicity, here out in the land rather than in a castle surrounded by opulence, scheming courtiers and gilt thrones. There were no elaborate delicacies at the evening meal afterwards, just a simple stew of rabbit, but it hardly mattered to Merlin. He didn't think he could eat a thing, too aware of everywhere his skin touched Arthur's.

The druids prepared a tent for them. They crept away long before the feasting was done, needing to be alone together, to be in each other's arms, to make the most of this night that was only for them. Destiny, Camelot and everything that came with it could wait until tomorrow.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [These Feathered Breaths (a Handfasting remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1460209) by [Emjayelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emjayelle/pseuds/Emjayelle)




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